15 days left..

yesterday mom told me she had a very sad dream and she said "it's worse than death if you have a very sad secret but you couldn't tell anyone or nobody understand your feeling. you can't forget it unless you have a memory loss." it resonated me but i was acting cool. so i tried to use this to trace back my brain ability. i act as self-psychologist and comforting myself that everyone understand how i've felt. i keep telling to left brain "i can bear the suffer if you release it,don't hold it alone." it works slowly. but now i have triggered the psycho button. just now i drove rudely and i saw anger in the person's eyes. the feeling of guilt just cannot go away. is it the way to recover my brain? how much fear i need to encounter next? kinda pissed off when thinking all of this happens because of a girl..damn fucking pissed off